ARE PLACEHOLDERS OKAY?
Have you ever wanted the company of someone, but you did not want the baggage of feeling like you were starting a relationship? Many times it is best to have friends around during such moments while you are single because amongst your friends there is already a common ground set. With this common ground environment, it is understood that each of you will provide a shoulder to cry on, an ear for concerns, and energy ready for a good time to celebrate life. In the midst of plutonic friendship experiences there is also an understanding that intimate feelings are off limits.
The problem could come in play when you continue ‘one on one’ friend-outings that would otherwise be considered dating. If the energy shared gets into a gray area and should you be inclined to act out of convenience, you risk putting the friendship at jeopardy. When you act out of convenience, you often omit the information you have known forever and decide to go with the flow of the moment. To reduce such pressure on your preexisting friendships, consider spending time with a new someone to serve as a placeholder.
Here are some possible benefits:
- Learning about a new person is often interesting and eye opening. There is a great chance that you will gain interests and become curious about new topics. This adds to the enjoyment and overall heightened stimulation for each interaction to be had with this person.
- If the moments of your time spent are short-lasting, you can easily move on with your life. As there is a large chance you may lose interest after a few dates, it is definitely important to clarify your intent from the beginning. After such clarification, you should feel a sense of ease knowing that there is a possibility to embrace or remove this person from your life without the pressure to keep it going. If the interaction does not grow to an organic friendship, you can at least look back on it as having been a fun moment while it lasted. Even if a close friendship does not form, you still have a chance to gain a good associate. We all have many decent associates that we surely do not talk to everyday, but we know that they exist when the opportunity arises to get together and casually catchup about life.
- You might just discover a special someone. Life often blooms when we least expect it to do so and you should not ignore the feeling if the right person is in front of you. Something inside your heart lets you know when something is just right. Now, if this happens, you can acknowledge and discuss this feeling with the person and progressively move forward from there. If you do not want to entertain such a blessing in your life at this time, you may respectfully depart from the interaction. A conversation is appropriate for either decision, but if you lean towards wanting to cut off the interaction, a less lengthy discussion is needed.
Having a momentary interaction is a decision to which both parties must agree upon in the beginning. Whether you benefit from gaining a new interest, a fun moment, or a new love, your time will not be wasted. If the pressure of time, guilt or energy is an issue for you, it is okay to embrace temporary placeholders.